


The Affair: But Here's What Really Happened

by crxtalx



Category: Schitt's Creek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27548464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crxtalx/pseuds/crxtalx
Summary: Schitt's Creek. Season 3. Episode 9.You all know what happened.But what if Moira actually slept with Roland?
Relationships: Johnny Rose/Moira Rose, Moira Rose/Roland Schitt
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Moira’s head ached. She was hardly bothered by it – she certainly had experienced worse cephalalgies in her day. Even with her eyes closed, Moira knew that the sun was beating down on her.

“John,” she sighed, “shut the blinds.” 

No response.

Moira exasperated and rolled onto her other side, “John, please.”

She heard a grunt, then a familiar voice – but it was certainly the last familiar voice that she was expecting to hear that hazy morning, “Moira?”

She opened her eyes. A large, blonde-haired man lay before her. A puzzled look was slapped across his sleepy face. Moira let out a scream and sat up; covering herself with the white bed covers.

“Roland!” She scanned the room hastily, “What are you doing in my room?”

Roland let out a laugh, “What are you talking about? This is my room.”

“Then what the _ fuck _ are you doing in your room?” 

Roland paused for a moment, “Well, I was trying to sleep until you started pounding on the door telling me to whip you up a salmon plate.” he chuckled.

Pure horror encompassed Moira’s entire being as she realised that she was naked, “Oh my God...” she pulled the bedsheets up to cover more of herself.

Roland lay back down and made himself comfortable. Seemingly uncaring of the affair.

Moira studied Roland, “Are you naked under there?” for once in her life – Moira was almost speechless.

“Honey, what I do in the privacy of my sheets is my own business.”

Moira retched, “Oh... No! No, God, no!” She clasped her hands together and sobbed, “Oh God, no. No dear God.” 

“Welcome to RAMC!”


	2. Chapter 2

The ride back home was uncomfortable – at least, it was for Moira. Between her blackout the previous night, and whatever Lynyrd Skynyrd song was blaring out of the shoddy truck speakers; all Moira wanted to do was jump out of Roland’s jalopy and flee from the situation.

“Listen Moira,” Roland began, “You really have nothing to be ashamed of.” He chortled.

“That’s rich.” Moira replied  snarkily ; her arms folded tightly across her chest.

Roland continued, “Most women would be proud just to know half the things you do. Let alone be able to do any of it!” he shook his head jovially. His words were of no comfort to Moira. In fact, they made her feel even worse. 

Her predicament caused her to recall her past in an effort to mentally remove herself from her current location. Moira’s younger years weren’t so easy to remember; thanks to the copious amounts of  drugs she put into her body that almost destroyed her. She was partly glad that she had stopped taking illegal substances (known, and often unknown). Nevertheless, a part of her yearned to return to the good old days. When she had no cares in the world – and if she did, she could just wash them away with booze. When she and her friends and Sunrise Bay co-workers would party every night until the sun appeared on the horizon (and at times, for even longer).

Roland broke Moira’s train of thought when he pulled up in front of the motel.

“Your stop,  m’lady .”

Moira didn’t move, she stared longingly at the building she now was forced to call home, “What am I going to tell John?” her voice sounded meek – not anything like her usual self.

“Tell him whatever you like, sweet cheeks.” Roland smirked.

Moira turned her head to face him, “And pray tell what you are going to tell Jocelyn? The poor thing is going to be disconsolate.”

Roland shrugged, “She’ll be fine.”

Somehow Moira found that hard to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The stuff that Roland tells Moira in the first half of the chapter was lifted directly from the short-lived, 1980s TV show 'Oh Madeline' (specifically the episode 'The Lady & The Lamp'). Tbh 'The Affair' is very very similar to that episode of 'Oh Madeline'. In both episodes, Madeline and Moira get blackout drunk and "sleep" with a sleazy, creepo - in Madeline's case, it's with her husband's friend Robert; and with Moira ofc it's Roland. 
> 
> 'Oh Madeline' isn't rlly that good tbh lmao but I adore Madeline Kahn (who played the titular character, Madeline Wayne), so I kinda binge watched all 18 episodes out of obligation like a month back 0.0
> 
> Anyway this has been a plug for 'Oh Madeline' 
> 
> *laughing crying emoji*


	3. Chapter 3

As Moira entered the motel room, she was greeted by her husband, “Hello, sweetheart.” 

“Good afternoon, John.” Moira set her bags on the bed.

Johnny watched as his wife made her way to her vanity, taking off her ear rings and discarding them on the table without a care. Johnny raised an eyebrow. Moira kicked off her shoes and – without carefully placing them back where she got them, like how she usually would – she headed for the bathroom. A vacant look on her face. 

“Sweetheart,” John approached Moira, “Is everything alright? You seem somewhat-” he fished around in his head for the right word, “distracted.”

Moira turned on the shower, “Yes, I’m fine, John.” she threw him a weak smile before shutting the door; leaving Johnny to his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh I'm so so so sorry I haven't been uploading chapters as quickly as I would like to. It's been difficult to gather up the motivation to write something half decent. That's why this chapter is really short, I don't have much brain power at the moment to string together two coherent sentences, let alone think up big, smart words.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the excuses, I'll (hopefully) do better next time lol


End file.
